Fuck. It’s Been So Long.
Whenever I’m asked to describe myself within the context of my career - my go-to is “Artist-Turned-Skincare-Professional” though I always make it a point to say I’m still and will always be an artist.
Yet today I realized that while I’ve been an artist my whole life - I’ve let my practice of making art, the very essence of my being, fall to the side and take second place to life’s “responsibilities” - whatever that means. And the thought of that hits me at the fucking core of my gut. What. Thah. Fuhk.
Why has it been so long since I’ve FELT the sound of a graphite pencil hitting the paper?
When you can HEAR the silence of a room filled with artists drawing from a model - and you can literally FEEL the vibration of the pencil as though it’s attached to the deepest parts of you. The hope, the doubt, the frustration, the resilience. It’s all there on what once was a blank piece of paper. You as you are, and as you see the world.
Those moments are what I lived for. It’s how I spent most if not all of the waking hours in my day. Drawing everywhere from SVA to NJCU and the Art Students League - everywhere I went - you could be sure a sketchbook and a box of pencils were somewhere within reach.
Making art and being surrounded by other artists was my everything, my lifeline. And somewhere along the way, I let myself get caught up in this new path - which I also am fortunate to really enjoy.
Yet even my getting into skincare all started with art. It was an area I got into because I saw it as a way to do something I really enjoyed and make money so I could save up to have my own cooperative art gallery - a place where I could make art, show art, and create community around those who NEED to express themselves through marks on a page.
It’s been ten years since I’ve been a skincare professional.
I won’t say I haven’t made ANY art since then - I still write and sketch and take a photo here and there. But it’s not nearly enough to keep my heart beating the way I know it can. And so I’ve made a promise to myself.
One hour a day. I promise myself one hour a day where I can continue to learn and grow as an artist. Sketch, brainstorm, collaborate - whatever that looks like on any given day - I will be choosing to spend one hour of each day getting back to my core - and everything that comes with that.
Authenticity, messiness, and the ultimate battle against perfectionism.
Why? Because I NEED to. Because I’m not a whole person without it. Because while Netflix and chill has been fun, I’m no longer willing to watch what other people make. I want to be the maker again. I want to tell my own narratives and share how I view the world around me.
Whether it’s anyone’s cup of tea or not, whether it looks “done” or not, I promise to gift myself the space and time to welcome all that this journey brings with it. To be perfectly imperfect.
And at the end of the day, done is better than perfect, right?
So here goes…